Solitude
by Xx-Synthetic-Cyanide-xX
Summary: Sometimes its easier to believe that being alone is the safest option, but when it's the last one you have, what is left for the future? Silver-centric vent fanfiction. Hints of preciousmetalshipping. Angsty themes.


**Author's Note: This is vent fanfiction, and who else but to vent for me than our beloved red head! He makes everything better.**

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**Solitude.**

They say that the only person you can truly rely on and trust one hundred percent is yourself; but of course, that is nothing more than a twisted lie. How was I supposed to put my faith, and trust into a wretched, heartless monster? That was exactly what I had become.

Empty, and devoid of life.

Merely _existing_ and not living.

Then again, what was the point in surviving when there was no reason to keep filling your lungs with precious oxygen, or force yourself into awakening every day?

_At least whilst asleep, the demons of my mind remained at bay._

I guess many people blame their childhood for their miserable lonely existences, or the arrival of demonic mental disorders; but no, not me. Don't get me wrong, things could have been a lot better, for instance; I could have had a caring and devoted mother, who didn't vanish the moment things got tough.

I could have had a protective and doting father, who had a normal everyday job, and enjoyed casual everyday activities with his son. Some things just aren't meant to happen.

However, even though my childhood wasn't privileged by any means, my demise was through my own actions, and were of no concern to my lineage.

My brain was sick, terribly poisoned by the cruel unforgiving world that I inhabited, constantly repeating the words _'You're weak, you'll never be good enough.'_

After some time, the consciousness does tend to believe such cruel words, and then what's next? An endless spiral of despair, and forced solitude to protect those you apparently _'care'_ for.

What a joke.

Caring only leads to weakness, and eventual suffering. It's inevitable that someone close to you will stab you in the back as much as look at you, and that was something I defended myself against all my miserable existence.

Or, that's what I thought.

Usually walking away from any given situation is as easy as breathing, done without a care in the world, or even being consciously aware of it. However, it seemed a certain individual had affected my life more than I ever intended to happen. A raven haired goggle brain, who pissed me off more times than I cared to remember.

Whose bad jokes, and terrible flirting gave me migraines for weeks. Who I purposely tried to avoid, and ended up failing every time. From the word go, it was destined to end in tragedy.

Gold constantly claimed that I was his best friend, and that was the reason for his _stalker_ behaviour. Of course, friendship wasn't something I particularly enjoyed, or had any time for. It was wasted, meaningless. Friends would always let you down, hurt you, talk about you behind your back, lie to you, and utterly destroy you if you allowed it. I wanted no part in this. I was happy being alone.

At least being alone meant no-one got hurt, no-one had to suffer the constant pain of listening to my whiny voice, or hearing my complaints.

It was better off this way.

He was relentless, and it was tiring to continue fighting back, only to end up back at square one. It seemed Gold had no idea when I didn't want to talk to him, or when I purposely did things to hurt him. He just shrugged them off, and flashed a smile, always perfectly fine with the situation.

He had no idea just how sick, and twisted my mind could be, and that this was a test.

I tested him all the time, wishing that it would be the final push and he would leave my life forever, and I'd never see or hear from him again. Of course, that's what I forced myself to believe. Having someone so relentless, claiming that no matter what he'd be there for me, even if I attacked him in a blind rage did offer some comfort.

However, I would never allow him to know that information.

When I was hurt, then he had to hurt with me.

I'd say horrible things, be purposely hateful, or distant just to get a reaction out of him, and it worked for some time. Until one day, it didn't.

I made up a lie that I was sick and couldn't meet up with him, just for attention, and usually I expected something along the lines of; _"Oh that's awful! Do you need me to do anything? Shall I come round?"_ But, when I received a _"That's okay, Get some rest, and we'll speak soon" _it threw me for a spin.

Had it become too much now?

Had Gold finally tired of my constant whining, and deluded ramblings?

Had he decided that enough was enough, and to cut ties on our friendship?

Of course, if that was the case I'd rather he had told me, because then it would be easier to get over. I could use my usual technique of saving myself, protecting my heart to stop it from breaking.

However, as much as I tried to protect my heart, and become cold and indifferent, it would still hurt, and I HATED IT!

I wanted it NOT to hurt! I wanted to forget about Gold, move on with my life, and be fine! I managed perfectly fine without him before, so what the hell changed?!

Was my mind that diseased that it was now tricking my own heart into feeling this bitter anguish?

Slowly, I stopped talking to him, attempting to cut all ties with him because, Gold was relentless. He'd always bounce back, and irritate me for hours, singing out of tune, or telling horrendous jokes. It was inevitable. Gold had always been like that.

_It didn't happen…_

Somewhere along the way our friendship died, along with every memory shared, and we both moved on with our lives.

Gold doing whatever made him happy, and me with my lack of social life, and constant depression. It seemed destiny had a way of ensuring that I stayed down on the ground, but then again, could I blame an unforeseeable force?

The only person that I could blame for my own self-inflicted misery, and indifferent solitude was myself, and myself alone.


End file.
